Wedding Customs in the Lands and Times of the Bible
Dearly beloved of God, one of the keys to understanding the Word of God is understanding the customs and expressions of the people that lived at that time. These customs, and their expressions are known as Orientalisms.
Since the Word of God was written in the lands and times of eastern people, we must understand their customs and expressions if we are to understand what is written.
This is essential in understanding the records about Jesus’ conception and birth. The customs in the lands and the times in which the Word of God was written are quite different from ours today in the western world.
Marriage consisted of a number of different events: the selection of the bride, the arrangement of the dowry, the betrothal ceremony, the wedding ceremony, the time set to first come together for intercourse, the first year of marriage (what we would call a “honeymoon,”) and finally, the preparation for their permanent home.
First, the groom’s family would select a bride for their son. The women in the family usually did this. They put careful consideration into this selection because they wanted the best possible companion for their son.
The second step once they found a suitable bride for their son was to arrange a dowry with the bride’s family.
The third step was the betrothal ceremony. It consisted of a feast shared by the families of the prospective bride and groom.
At the betrothal ceremony, the dowry was given to the bride’s family. At the betrothal ceremony the girl is “purchased” to be the man’s wife. Betrothal was a commitment that could only be annulled by divorce or death.
After the feast, the bride and groom went to the garden where the groom dropped ten pieces of silver in the girl’s cupped hands.
Young women were taught that, “He who places the ten pieces of silver in your hand is he who will love you”. They believed that God kindled love in their hearts at that moment.
The bride is considered “purchased” when she receives the ten pieces of silver. The coins are priceless, not for their monetary value but for their symbolical significance.
If a woman lost one of these coins, they thought that God had withdrawn His blessing from the family.
The parable that Jesus taught in Luke 15:8-10 refers to this custom. If the woman lost one of the coins she could have been cast out of the house and left to die. Jesus said that there was great joy when she found the piece of silver. Understanding their customs allows us to understand the parable.
The couple was considered husband and wife from the time of betrothal, but they did not live together, or come together having intercourse until after the time of the wedding ceremony.
Betrothal could last a year or longer. It was a time to get to know one another, receive instruction about marriage, and prepare for the wedding ceremony.
The fourth step was the actual wedding ceremony, which could last up to ten days. It was a time of rejoicing.
The bride would have ten virgins as bridesmaids, each having a responsibility to carry out during the ten days.
They would all go out to meet the bridegroom’s party as it approached the town. They each used special torches that were passed down in their families from generation to generation.
One of the groomsmen, who was a friend of the bridegroom, would go ahead of his party to announce their arrival by blowing a horn at the town’s gate.
During the ten days, the bride and groom would meet each day with the priest to receive instruction. He reminded them of the instruction they had previously received during their betrothal concerning their sacred commitment.
On the last day of the wedding festivities, the couple exchanged their vows and took the covenant of salt.
The covenant of salt was a solemn commitment that they would keep their vows. In the East, they would die before they would break this covenant. Examples of this covenant are found in Numbers 18:19 and II Chronicles 13:5.
After this, the groom placed a silver chord around his bride’s neck. They did not use a wedding ring as we do in the United States.
When her husband died, his wife loosened the silver chord and put it in her husband’s grave at the funeral. This represented that she had fulfilled her commitment to him, and she was free to remarry.
The groom never saw his bride’s face before this time; she was always veiled. The veil symbolized that she was under God’s protection.
After the groom placed the silver chord around his bride’s neck the groom lifted her veil and placed it on his shoulder symbolizing that he accepted the God-given responsibility to care for and protect her, and is therefore as God to her.
The wedding feast then followed. The couple walked to the feast under a special canopy. The canopy symbolized that the couple was covered by God’s protection.
Unlike westerners, the newlywed couple did not immediately live together, or have sexual intercourse immediately after the wedding ceremony.
The priest or holy man that officiated the ceremony also set the date that they were to “come together” in sexual intercourse to consummate their marriage. This usually occurred within a week of the wedding ceremony. Until that time the bride was attended by a woman, and the groom by a man.
The sheet or cloth they slept on when they consummated their marriage was called “the tokens of virginity,” which is described in Deuteronomy 22:13-17.
The blood on the sheets from the woman’s first intercourse was a token that she was a virgin when they married. This token was important because it proved the woman’s virginity, and protected her family from false claims to the contrary. The only cause for divorce was if the woman was not a virgin.
What we would call the couple’s honeymoon lasted for one year.
The couple spent the first month in the home of the bride’s parents, and the next month with the groom’s parents. They followed this pattern alternating months between her family and his family throughout this year. This year allowed them to get to know one another and solidify their relationship. They ate all of their meals together, and the husband did not leave his wife for any reason during this year.
At the end of the twelve-months there was a final formal ceremony with the families, and as many friends, and bridesmaids as they could gather.
At the time of this ceremony the husband makes a formal statement to his wife in their presence. He says, “Let not your heart be troubled; ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.” She responds, “All that thou sayest, I will do.”
The husband then went to his father’s house, and prepared a permanent dwelling for them. After the husband finished it he returned for his wife, and took her to their new home in his father’s house.
The Lord Jesus Christ used this custom in John 14:1-4 to prepare his disciples for his coming absence from them, and his certain return. He assured them that he would return for them as the husband would return for his wife and take her to his Father’s house.
Dearly beloved of God, if we recognize the customs of the people that lived in the lands and the times that the Bible was written they will help us to understand what is written. We cannot understand the birth of Jesus Christ without understanding these customs, and expressions.